Introspect

Yesterday (February 26th), my favorite older sister Stefanie posted a blog called “Wisdom and foolishness”.  In it she referred to a favorite passage of hers, 1 Corinthians 1:20-25:

“20 Where is the wise man? Where is the scholar? Where is the philosopher of this age? Has not God made foolish the wisdom of the world? 21 For since in the wisdom of God the world through its wisdom did not know him, God was pleased through the foolishness of what was preached to save those who believe. 22 Jews demand miraculous signs and Greeks look for wisdom, 23 but we preach Christ crucified: a stumbling block to Jews and foolishness to Gentiles, 24 but to those whom God has called, both Jews and Greeks, Christ the power of God and the wisdom of God. 25 For the foolishness of God is wiser than man’s wisdom, and the weakness of God is stronger than man’s strength.”-I Corinthians 1:20-25, NIV

You need to go check out her thoughts on this passage.  She has some great insights, so check out Stefanie Ward when you have some time!  Here’s an excerpt from her thoughts to give you a taste:

“Maybe the reason I like this section of Corinthians – that 1:10 or so through around the end of chapter 2 – is that it contains one of the rare mentions of intelligence. “The intelligence of the intelligent I will frustrate”, in 1:19 – how encouraging! It seems that intellect is an ultimately insufficient means of understanding God. “Where is the wise man? Where is the scholar? Where is the philosopher of this age?” Frankly, spread across the board. It seems one can divine truth neither by opposing nor by agreeing with the psychologist, the professor, the scientist. No, one must abandon all hope of reaching true wisdom or power without the aid of God.”

I will probably continue to link her now and then.  I personally love her style and her “essayist” manner.  Always, witty, intelligent… it’s a great read.  No pressure, Stef. Love you.

So, I was greatly entertained by Rich’s latest blog entry, a youtube video that had me rolling and also half-wishing I could have children with british accents:

I had to share it with Mike today, and after we watched it, another link caught our eye and we found this as well.

AMAZING.  I wonder, what was going through that bear’s head after that?

Well, with 3 weeks of engagement tucked under our belts,  I feel like updating on the process.

I’ve never been the type to really plan weddings.  Yes, I have thought about being married since I was probably 5, when I wore my playclothes and a towel on my head as a veil. But I never seriously looked at all the details, owning them as my own.

Now it’s time to start looking at everything… what is needed, all the details.  In the beginning I truly wanted to believe that this would be a chill process, that I wouldn’t be like the rest, that I would be the calm bride-to-be who everyone might admire for breezing through the planning.

I destroyed that image last week, on the very first day that we actually tried to start planning.  I got very frustrated, and I tried to blame everyone and everything for that frustration.  I couldn’t understand why every time we discussed logistics – Mike and me, Mom and me, anyone else and me – I got extremely tense and irritated.  I took it to God but still couldn’t seem to understand why the frustration didn’t ease up.

It took a lot of prayer to finally start owning up to the problem.  At first I thought it was that I didn’t know what the problem was.  Then I realized I knew the problem all along was me, I just hated thinking that was true.  Pride told me that I had to cling to the “calm bride-to-be” image and if I took the blame for all the frustration I felt, that image would be destroyed.

Well, I’m destroying it now.  I was frustrated because things weren’t going my way.  I was frustrated because I wanted to be selfless – my one word for this year – and I only felt more selfish as I got angry over plans (the ones that were acceptable in my mind) clashing with other people’s ideas. Because in reality, I didn’t want to negotiate if other people’s plans didn’t line up with mine.  And in reality, I wanted everyone to do everything for me, but I wanted them to do it my way.  Especially God… I was head-butting Him more than anyone else, just trying to make sure He wouldn’t try anything funny that might be more than I had bargained for.

It’s been a real lack of trust that has caused all this frustration, and a lot of pride as well.  And this weekend, after praying all week, I finally let go and decided I didn’t have to discuss wedding plans all weekend.  Because honestly, I have no information to work with so I can’t really make plans.  And I just have to trust that the information IS coming and God will make this wedding work His way.

It’s so funny to see how God is working my faith and working areas in which I need a lot of growth through this process.  And today, I’m thankful for it – I want to know that I am able to trust Him to do things His way.  His way carries a lot more options than the world’s way, and I want to be open to that.  There are so many opportunities for Him to reveal His glory as I step back and let Him take over.  I can’t guarantee that I’ll have that attitude until the wedding day.  In fact, I’m almost positive there will be more days of “kicking and screaming” in my prayers to God.  But I know He is good and I know trusting Him provides me with more peace than I could ever have if we were planning this wedding without Him.  I want to cling to that.

This past week’s sermon was about coming up with a biblical response to replace our natural instinctive responses.  For this wedding, my natural response to planning is to pretend I have it all together, to blame everyone else when things go wrong, but to expect everyone to make everything work the way I had planned. I’d like to think VERY differently in this area, and I found two verses to try to cling to so that I can just let go, let God, and ENJOY this crazy process knowing He is in control of it and He promises:

“‘For I know the plans I have for you,’ declares the Lord, ‘plans for welfare and not for calamity to give you a future and a hope.  Then you will call upon Me and come and pray to Me, and I will listen to you.  You will seek Me and find Me when you search for me with ALL your heart.’” – Jeremiah 29:11-13

“Come now, you who say, ‘Today or tomorrow we will go to such and such a city, and spend a year there and engage in business and make a profit.’ Yet you do not know what your life will be like tomorrow.  You are just a vapor that appears for a little while then vanishes away.  Instead, you ought to say, ‘IF THE LORD WILLS, we will live and also do this OR that.’” – James 4:13-15

God is and will be faithful.

I’m working on a take-home test right now.  I’ve never had one before, and it’s kind of cool to be allowed to use available resources to complete the test.  One of those convenient resources is wikipedia, which is also available en español.  Very helpful for me!  So I was researching Ramón José Simón Valle Peña, also known as Ramón María del Valle-Inclán.  The page I found with his information also provided a picture of him…

… so, yeah.  I think I may have stumbled upon the secret identity of Harry Potter in his final years.

Videos will come later when my computer stays connected long enough to load them.  Until then, here is a lengthy summary of the goings on in the Big Apple:

The flight to New York:  I learn about Mike’s fear of flying.  Mike learns that I don’t listen to the flight attendants as they instruct us to turn off electric devices.  I inform Mike that my camera won’t cause the plane to crash.  Mike informs me that if the plane does crash and we live, he will kick my butt.

Arrival in New York:  Our hotel is an upgrade from last year’s hostel, in that it has a view that is not a brick wall and a TV with 5 channels.  We go to the famous Famiglia’s for dinner, a place which is said to be New York’s favorite pizza.

Saturday morning: Where we are, and why we are there… =)

Subway:  Tom and Martha, our wonderful friends. We enjoy awkward subway rides in which our individualistic culture is forced to break the barriers of its isolation bubble.

Lunch:  VERY cozy diner.  The kitchen help is a little too friendly.  We walk around New York City and it is glorious.

Saturday midday: New York’s form of resuscitation, and entertainment: A live statue that only moves when you pay her.

New York movie:  Seeing Cloverfield in New York makes it more real.  Queasy stomachs make it impossible for Mike and me to enjoy the whole thing.  We go to Starbucks and read the ending off Wikipedia from Mike’s trusty iPhone.  Martha and Tom go see Spamelot with special guest, Clay Aiken.

NY Starbucks: Friends. Cold. New York.  Love. Joy. Laughter.

Saturday afternoon: Discussions in Starbucks over the 182 uses of the iPhone in New York which make it oh so handy.  Mike enjoys a Sabrett hot dog.

Saturday night:  Ted’s Montana Grill.  Astounding Food.  Amazing Service.  A free cookie because Mike and I are engaged.  I tell Tom to take my ring and propose to Martha so we can get more free stuff.  He does not listen to me.

Sunday morning: Martha and Mike stop getting along.   We go to Starbucks once again.  Tom feels comfortable enough around me to read my journal.

Sunday midday: John’s Pizza.  We have found fierce competition for Famiglia’s.   Martha and I have a lamppost photo op moment.

Central Park:  We learn that Tom and Martha are quite natural in front of the camera.  Very pretty people.

Central Park (cont.):  We are faced with the challenge of being as beautiful as Tom and Martha.  We discover that Martha is an excellent photographer and that if she takes hundreds of the same shot, she is able to get some natural-looking poses.

Leaving the city: It SNOWS. 5 seconds later, the snow turns into a white hurricane – a phenomenon defined by northerners as a small “blizzard”.  This phenomenon immediately distinguishes the southerners from the northerners in the state:

Northerners: 10 layers and a thick jacket.  All dark clothes.  Cursing at the weather.  Continuing to go about their business.

Southerners: 1 thin jacket over a t-shirt.  Shivering like mad as they frolic joyously down the street, taking pictures of any dark objects to make for a backdrop for the snow.  Curious as to why the entire city has not shut down completely due to the sighting of flurries.

Sunday night:  Snow delays flights and we stare at angry passengers in the airport.  The choice entertainment for the night is pictionary. Our flight is delayed because they can’t locate our crew.  Bad weather, threats of turbulence,  and all but one runway closed due to wind.  Still, we make it home safe.

Amazing trip. Great times.  I love New York.  I love friends.  I love Mike so much.  That’s about all.

I am so behind… I would love to post the New York adventures, but it’s taking a great deal of time to get everything figured out with pictures and videos.   I have thought many times of things I’d just like to spill on here, and the NY stuff always made me stop – I’m very orderly, and so the idea of “skipping over” something doesn’t usually fly.

On that note, I’ll be skipping over the NY stuff.

Having kids is the craziest thing in the world.  I don’t even have them yet, but being a nanny gives you glimpses into that world.  I absolutely love Max and Lil.  Max is 5 and Lil is 3 and they are full of crazy personality.  God teaches me something about Himself and our relationship almost every day through these children.  It seems almost selfish to say that – but I get a lot out of caring for them.

So today, Lil and I were hanging out in the back square (A block of cement does not qualify as a backyard.  This area is really more just an extension of the driveway).  We were sharing starbursts and M&Ms and discussing the wedding… that is, I was asking Lil questions and hoping that her answers would be somehow laced with divine intervention.  Needless to say, according to her divine-child wisdom, I need to get married in October, my bridesmaid dresses need to be pink, white, and yellow, Max loves mice, she will not wear a crown, and she loves her mother.

As I pondered the idea of what I could only imagine as being strawberry banana milkshake dresses, I saw Lil accidentally drop her starburst on the ground.  She gasped and promptly picked it up.  Then she held it at arm’s length from her face and started blowing into the air.. 1, 2, 3, 4 puffs.  Then she brought it to her mouth and popped it on in.

I am pretty sure that her puffing did nothing to rid the candy from the dirt and grit that it had made contact with.  But it was neat to see that she did it anyway… she couldn’t have grasped the purpose of the concept completely or else she would have brushed it off more properly.  But she did it anyway.  Right now, that action doesn’t have an effect – the dirt is still on there.  If Lil, as she gets older, doesn’t acknowledge the purpose behind the action, then that puffing will continue to be ineffective.  However, if she keeps doing it, it’s more than likely that one day she’ll think about it, why she’s doing it, and realize that the point is to get the dirt off. She’ll be able to examine her candy when she puffs on it and know that the purpose has been fulfilled when the dirt is gone.

How different is it when I walk with God?  I can be doing things He tells me to do and those things can be ineffective if I don’t understand the purpose behind them.  However, that doesn’t mean I stop doing them just because I don’t get it.  I keep doing it and growing and seeking to acknowledge the PURPOSE behind God’s instruction.  And when I get to the point of recognizing the purpose, I will be effective as I follow through with the same action that I had developed as a habit from the start.  I’ll benefit from it, or benefit others, as God has called me to do.  It’s good to know that I might not get it right away, but that it can come in time.

We’re engaged! To the five people who read this blog and already know about this, Mike and I are getting married!

The bigger shock, in my opinion, is that Mike Paschal managed to COMPLETELY surprise me. This, my friends, is the first time in our relationship that I’ve been 100% surprised by him, with no hint or suspicion of his intentions upon his arrival.  From this experience, we have learned that the best way to surprise me is by him figuring it out only two hours beforehand.

To be honest, God is awesome.  Seriously.

So now, we’re getting married, which means it’s finally time to start figuring out this wedding business! Please be praying.