Introspect

We have a leader training and I’m supposed to edit a video for it.  I told Mike to simply help me out and show me what to do and I could do it.

This is what ends up happening:

I’m sitting around and he is editing.  In my defense, I keep telling him I can do this.  His response?  This won’t take long at all.

Which I think secretly translates as, “This may or may not take awhile, but it’ll just be easier if I do it myself.”

He’d also like to make note that he thoroughly enjoys this sort of thing.

Ah, must go – I think he needs some input from me!

Our staff is currently going through a new ministry we’ve created called Step 2.  It goes through the “basics” of having a walk with God, such as learning to find our identity in Christ, learning God’s character, learning to spend time with God through prayer and reading the bible, understanding intimacy with Him, the importance of community, etc.  I highly recommend it if you have a chance to go through it – it’s only 8 weeks long and it is great for anyone with any kind of relationship with God.

And as I was saying, our staff is going through it right now.  We just finished Week 2, which discusses trusting God.  One of the questions at the end asked, “Where do you have trouble trusting God?”

I thought about this.  I thought about moving to Wilmington 5 years ago and how scary it was.  But I did trust God enough to do it.  And I thought about the decision to date Mike and then marry him.  I think that was only possible by trusting God, since I had no clue what I was doing.  Really, I thought, big things in my life have made trusting God the only option.

And then another thought crept in.  Followed by a whole swarm of related thoughts.  A couch bought that would not fit into our home for anything last week.  Having to pick out another couch from the same store, only to find out that it would not arrive at our home in time for family coming into town to utilize the bed incorporated into said couch.  Which also leaves us going for 12 days with no couch to sit on.  Traveling 4 hours to buy furniture, and then finding upon our return that one of the pieces was not the right color.  Redecorating and having to find new homes for every object we possess.  And then, the kicker… returning to a home for the past week that went from this:

to this*:

(*The room did not ACTUALLY flip-flop; I took this photo with my computer so it is the mirror image of the room.  Which does, in fact, accurately reflect the feeling that our home has been turned inside out and upside down in the process of changing things up.)

Do you know how this has made me? CRAZY!

Okay, I have to admit… this picture is deceptive.  It gives you the impression that oh, these things probably are making her nutty, but she realizes that it’s actually quite silly.

Lies.  Ask my friends.  I’ve been ranting about it, dwelling on it, griping at Mike about it.  An accurate picture would be me with an evil look on my face, ripping my hair out or in the process of throwing things. Breakable things.

And in my Step 2 group, I realized I’ve let this get to me more than any big decision.  I don’t like when the little things in my life are out of place.  What will I learn from an oversized couch? From 12 days with nothing to sit on? From a mismatched piece of furniture?

Upon pondering this, I realized that I have 2 choices: 1) Rant about it and freak out; get angry and irritable until everything is set right and then next time be MORE diligent in getting measurements and ripping open boxes to ensure that the product is exactly as I wanted it, or 2) Allow myself to grow in gratitude, and chill out realizing that it’s NOT THAT BIG A DEAL and there are many other things that deserve way more attention than this.

I’ve started with choice 1.  Not trusting God enough to believe that this is okay, that it will be okay, and perhaps that He is simply trying to develop my character by providing circumstances in which I have the choice to let things go rather than cling to the control I’m convinced I have over the little things in life.

Taking a lesson from Step 2 and allowing myself to trust God would be choice 2, and the one I need to choose for the sake of my character, my sanity, and my husband and friends for that matter.  Trusting that perhaps this is revealing my desperation for control so that I might be able to change my attitude.  And let go.  And realize that we found a couch that I think I might like better that will be here soon.  And laugh at the college feel of our living room with the beach chairs in the prominent seating location in front of the TV.  And stop worrying about the clutter, which is looking 10 times better now that my incredible husband has tackled a lot of it.  And therefore stop criticizing my husband for what’s not been done and start letting him know how much I appreciate his hard work in putting together our furniture and cleaning our entire home beforehand – without me asking. (Baby, you don’t know how much that meant to me!)

Yeah… it’s harder to trust God when it comes to control, and the little things.  But it’s funny how much more I could chill out and be a nicer person if I did.  So, I’ll try choice 2. And trust God.

Mike and the breakable objects in my home will hopefully be able to stop backing away in fear whenever I walk by!

They say opposites attract.

Mike and I like to detox when we get home from vacation.  Last week, we went to Myrtle Beach.  When we came back, we did what each of us always does upon return.

Here’s Mike:

Aaaand… here’s me:

Completely opposite!  And I’m definitely, definitely attracted to him.

So yes, I suppose what they say is true.

Man oh man, it’s been silent around here way too long!  I see dust bunnies collecting in the corners of my blog from lack of life around here lately.  It’s time to sweep away the silence!  And what better time to do that than at a time in which I have other work to do and must therefore put it aside for just 5 minutes more?

So, because I DO have work to do, and I can’t hang out here too long, here are the quick updates on what’s been happening lately:

- Mike and I started the process of looking for a two-bedroom apt, in hopes of relocating to a place near Mike’s brother, which would mean we’d be 2 miles from church and 2 miles from the beach, and able to have guests in a Spare Oom.  *ahem*, I mean, spare room.

- I redecorated my desk at work.  Made it a bit more cozy, minus the fact that the frames have none of my pictures in them.  However, the pictures that come in the frames – you know, the ones that show you what great pictures can be held if you buy them – are still in place.  There is a lady in one of the frame spots holding up a little girl, about 2 yrs old, which naturally encourages co-worker inquiries of “so, is she YOURS?” Very original, everyone.

- We had a yard sale with my family in Charlotte, and encountered many yard sale “professionals”.  Who were not very much fun to encounter at all.  Really, it’s just not kind of you to walk up to us and tell us our old treasures are junk.  And who has the nerve to pick up a $40 pair of shorts, tags still on them from never being worn, and tell us they won’t pay more than $2 for it?  Lucky for those folks we were more intent on getting rid of stuff than getting money for it.  Or maybe that’s lucky for us, because I don’t think people go to yard sales intent on spending any more than $10 for what might be $100 worth of stuff.  The lesson from this experience is that I don’t think I have what it takes to be a yard-saler!

- I turned 23.  I felt a little older, save for the fact that I acted like a 5 yr old the morning of my birthday, in the bad way, fighting with Mike over something stupid.  And he, despite it all, was so great.  Got me a new video camera for my birthday!  And threw me a surprise party!  My husband is pretty much amazing to me.

- We went to the lake with Mike’s family!  I got to try out our set of water skis while we were there. They worked great, and were so fun.  And camping with the Paschals was a glorious time of rest, relaxation, slight sun burn, and great food.  Oh, and iPhones.  For those who must maintain connection with the rest of the connected world, you know. 

- We decided not to get the two-bedroom apt, and are now going to try to “completely” redecorate our own apartment. Which means new couch and switching furniture from one room to another, plus a trip to Ikea!  I love edifying change more than absolute change. Hurray for new furniture and rearranging rooms!

That’s all I can think of for now.  Hopefully, I haven’t overlooked any important events.  Have a great day, everyone.