A few days ago Lefoe emailed Jesse asking him if he or I wanted to make an announcement about Starting Point orientation at Overflow. You know, something to put a face on the ministry. Jesse showed me the email. We looked at each other. He looked back at the email. I waited for it. He said, “So, can you do that?”
I never had a strong pull toward public speaking. Quite the opposite, really. Catch me on the day of a spanish presentation and I won’t remember a lick of what we discuss until that presentation is over and off my mind. But I have to say, the last presentation I did, God hit me hard with the reminder that the point of the presentation wasn’t to do well. That last presentation was one to teach me humility – to remember that I’m not perfect and that I’m still learning.
Humility came into play again tonight – this time, I was seeking “God-confidence” rather than “self-confidence” (Brian read a verse discussing that in The Message version of the Bible before Overflow). This little stand-up wasn’t for a grade, but I still felt the importance of it. I really believe Starting Point is an amazing opportunity to experience community, while at the same time feeling comfortable that even the toughest questions about God and faith are encouraged and discussed. What an amazing thing, especially for those starting to seek God and what He might be all about, or those who are new or returning to the faith. Questions are a GOOD thing! Seeking answers is crucial.
But people with questions have to know this option is out there, and that’s where my job came in tonight. I can safely say that God had it in mind to put me there because I did not seek this out on my own. And what an amazing thing to be reminded of God at work – even at work in me, which sort of set me up for tonight. I’ve been worked this weekend with the fact that God guarantees us no rights – no rights to health, to happiness, to a good spouse, to friends that will be with us forever, nothing of that sort. He only guarantees us Himself, and reminds us constantly that He is enough. I’ve felt a strange sort of peace at the concept, as bizarre as that may seem. In a way, it’s as though I’ve “released” my rights, and I’m trying not to cling to them anymore, which brings back expectancy (an open attitude of “what’s next?”) in place of expectations (that being, “okay God, I don’t expect anything EXCEPT for you to keep me healthy. EXCEPT a house. EXCEPT money. EXCEPT a spouse that will be with me until I’m old.”) Haley gave me that little “wordplay” reminder from a book she read that she said was amazing… I’ll be reading it soon to see what it’s about.
And so, with that, I release my right to be comfortable in what I’m doing. God has placed me in this job and part of that is to try to get the word out there so that people can know that the class is there whenever they reach the point of wanting answers enough to seek them out. Tonight, it wasn’t about whether or not I was “comfortable”. The POINT was to make others aware of opportunities to seek God. He has so much to offer. I would like to do anything, including feel discomfort, if it means people are pointed in the direction of seeking to understand Him.
What’s also interesting is that this recognition that I have no rights puts a whole new spin on my one word this year. “Selfless” has expanded from putting others above myself to actually aiming daily to LOSE my “self”. The “self” that believes it has certain rights and deserves certain things. Lose the rights. Lose the self. Give it to God. As God gave his SELF for me. My life should be a response to an amazing love that has freed me.