My mind is on two different thought processes.

The first stems from tonight, when Mike and I got in a fight.  Fights for us currently equate as such:
Two or three comments of frustration
+ Mike glaring at whatever he chooses to direct his attention to
+ Kirsten sighing long, and loudly
– good communication
+ 10 minutes of silence.

No claws really come out, but I can hold silence for a long time which does nothing good for a relationship. Mike is so good about letting up on his anger and talking things through after the 10 minute silence. But I digress.

Tonight’s fight stemmed from Thank you notes.  It’s incredible how good etiquette can bring out our worst temperaments.  Our young marriage will be six months old this Sunday and we have yet to send out our wedding Thank Yous to our loved ones.  We have completed the writing of them, and we are down to addressing them – and how?  To keep a long story short, Mike and I had different ideas on how to label the envelopes.  I became incredibly frustrated that our disagreement was just another obstacle that we had to overcome in order to get these notes sent off once and for all.

I wanted to blame Mike, who was “assigned” address labeling and who was not wanting to finish things, and finish them my way.  I wanted to get defensive in my head against anyone who might receive these notes… one day… and who would either joke or complain (they both are conveying the same message) about the length of time it took the thank you notes to get to them.

And when I finished the rounds of self defense in my head, and blamed everyone else I could, I finally decided to consider why this situation might be my problem.  It’s really simple – I don’t like that this is taking so long.  That people might receive these and think, “why did it take this bride so long to show some gratitude?” And the reason this bothers me is because I tend to have a problem doing things on time.  Getting places on time.  Getting things to people.  Keeping my word.  Remembering… calling back.  Returning e-mails.  And I’m aware of how much I make excuses for my behavior (bad memory, too much to do, unforeseeable  external circumstances).

I’ve thought of making “reliable” my one word.  To keep myself from procrastinating, or not keeping up with things, or not committing and using excuses to cover my back more than they should be used.

Which leads me to my other thought process… that perhaps my word this year should just be “commit”.  Because committing will be the only way I can narrow down a word and stick with it!  I still have many rolling around in my head, and I see value in all of them.  I suppose that’s a decision for another night.

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